Hostage Crisis at the Horse Farm

July 4th , and we were headed towards Mt. Rushmore. Out by Sherman, the kids collected the mysterious long brown feathers off the ground.
I noticed what appeared to be dead birds hanging upside down in the trees. Hawks maybe? How a hawk would die, up there and at that angle?
The manager came over and explained that Fish and Game put the dead hawks up there to scare away the turkey buzzards. Then I noticed, far up in the tree branches, these huge black fat vultures, delicately perched on the tiny branches.

As we wind our way out toward the mountain D. said he’s done with South Dakota. Yep. He could have cut this visit one day short.
“You could missed Mt. Rushmore?” I said incredulously
“I saw it yesterday” he said.
“You saw the hair in George’s nose”
He shrugged, and checked cell coverage again.

We found entry much easier this time. Of course, the park opened at 9 and we were there by 9:05. The entrance to the monument is grand, with pillars from each state, the state flags and engraved dates of statehood.

The kids wanted to take a picture of the Washington pillar ( because that’s where we live). And the Oregon ( because that’s where Ronnie was born). And New Jersey ( because that’s were the twins were born) and Pennsylvania ( because that’s where Bresh was born) and maybe California ( because that’s where Schoolie and Gramma live).
And we were out of batteries for the cameras.
Thirty batteries in less five days?
“Run into the gift shop” D. said “ I’ll bet they have them.”
So I do. And they do. And I discover something very important.
They sell digital camera BATTERIES for DIGITAL CAMERAS.
Dummy.
“I think I’ve solved our battery problem” I said. “We’ve been buying the wrong kind of batteries”
D. looked at the cover.
“It won’t make any difference” he frowned. “How much did you pay for this anyway, 47? I only spent 10”
Oh well.

We take the presidential tour, a half mile loop talk. It’s clear Nick is in seventh heaven. This ranger is chalk full of presidential trivia. The Ranger speaks endlessly about George being a farmer, Teddy’s love of nature, Lincoln’s death and George’s death.
Nick is riveted.
Ronnie discovers fascinating rock formations in a granite boulder.
Bresh and Chase wilted in the sun.
I wandered off and photographed an Indian Teepee.
Then I saw a crack in some boulders. People are lining up to go into the crack. Curious, I lined up too. The girls joined me. On there other side of the crack was just an unusual angle to George’s face. I’ve had enough nose crack pictures to last a life time so we left.
“Why’d we do that?” Asked Ronnie as we rejoined the presidential tour..

The presidential tour ended near The Studio, a dedication to the life and vision of the sculpture, Gutzon Borglum. We headed down to hear the lecture. D. situated himself on a chair. The kids scattered. I wandered about a bit. There is a scaled model of what Mt. Rushmore was to look like, very different then the one actually carved. There are also picture of the operations, the gadgets used to build. The old ER nurse in me wondered what kind of crush wounds occurred on the mountain during construction. Eventually I rounded a corner and find all the kids in front of a standing fan.

Its hot.
Its soooo hot.
What’s the temperature at home?
I said, Its hot, very hot and its probably raining at home. Now go learn something.
Nick does.
The ranger talked about how you sculpt a mountain and the equipment needed and the dynamite needed and the men needed. And Borglum’s dedication.
“He’s a nut. A screw ball” D. whispered.
As we left, two actors dressed as Teddy and Lincoln arrived. Nick is the first to shake their hands. We pressed on. It’s a hike back up to the top. D. was most anxious to go.
“Did you see Teddy Roosevelt, Mom. I sure would have liked to ask him questions.” said Nick.
We, of course, have one final stop.
Twenty minutes later, we exited with stuffed bison #2, a mood necklace, one shirt, two hats and two hat pins. But Nick can’t find the presidential trivia books he saw in The Studio.
He really wanted them and this is soo his thing. So he and I hiked back down to get them. While I waited in line, the presidential actors began their talk. Nick wandered over to listen to the talk.
“What are they saying?” I asked.
“Speeches. They’re giving famous speeches. I think I know the one Roosevelt is giving. It’s the Bull Moose one”
Roosevelt gave a speech on a Moose? I have to admit I have no idea what Nick is talking about.
But he looked so earnest, and so excited clutching those trivia books that I impulsively bought a membership to the Mt. Rushmore historic society.
Hey, we got a “free” canvas bag AND 20 % off our next purchase.
I’m glad we did Mt. Rushmore for Nick but, I could have missed it.
“This was the best thing so far, mom, this does not suck” said Nick




This next section should be titled:
How Kim got her way and wished she hadn’t or How we were held hostage on a horse farm.

Wild Horse Sanctuary. I wanted to see it. No one else did. I won because I had the car keys.

We drove fifty miles south on a highway, and off roaded it a good ten before we arrived in the choking dust cloud, in the blazing heat, at a dinky store in the middle of nowhere.
I thought we were going to take a bus tour to see the last of the Wild horse population in the US.
Instead, we are held hostage by a tour guide and his horde of flies.


It started off well enough, with him showing us the working horse farm.
And then it was onto the flora.
Then the rock formations and more flora.
Then about the owner, Dayton Hyde ( who?????) a famous author, rodeo stunt man, best friend of Slim Pickens, who built this sanctuary out of the goodness of his heart.
This kind of background information can make an experience… special.

The kids started melting.
Its hot
Its really hot.
What temperature is it at home? Is it maybe raining?

Then its on to a Bluff overlook. A really beautiful sight actually, with a green peaceful valley way below. Turns out is the site of the Hollywood studio setting for Robert Redford’s Crazy Horse.
Its here he started to veer off subject, a little.
Did we know the difference between Reel-a-lty and Reality.
He illuminated us for twenty minutes in the blazing sun
Hollywood is full of idiots, assholes who wouldn’t know the first thing about history.

“I’m going to die” said Bresh
“Better fix that“ said D. indicating Bresh, as he perched on a rock.
I try to distract her with the flowers and the cactus and the fact that we will see Wild Horses any minute now. Hopefully.

As we load up in the bus, he said, “Don’t get me started on Custer.
And even though no one said one word, apparently he IS started on Custer.
We don’t move an inch.

Custer’s an idiot. An arrogant blood thirsty SOB. Out manned, out horsed , out gunned. Inferior in every way and highly deserving of the ass kicking he took.

Well, that’s not new news. And then.

Custer’s the biggest idiot every produced by Michigan. Anyone from Michigan? Did they know they had produced such an SOB? Most Michiganites don’t appreciate it when he pointed out this fact, but hell they should really know what an asshole they produced.
Apparently, he’s the one to enlighten them.

The flies crawl all over the girls as they stretch out on the seats. D. sat glumly against the cracked windows of the bus hoping to catch a breeze. Nick appeared to be not listening.


The bus DOES start. However, we rocket down another trail that is definitely not headed towards what I think would be green grazing pastures of horses.

“Mom” said Nick, “if you let me have that lighter I saw at the store I’ll-”
“Nick” I said “you lost me at lighter”
“Mommy” whined Ronnie” what do you think my mood necklace is telling you about my mood”
I pretend liked I didn’t hear her.
“It said I’m thirsty Mom THIRSTY.


The he yapped on about Dayton Hyde and his books and how he, the guide, had checked out every story Dayton had every written in minutia and every single word about anything Dayton had ever written was the gods honest truth and there wasn’t a single writer in this lousy day and age who that could be said about.
Had he mentioned the difference between Reel-a-lty and Reality?
He had but, shit, if he didn’t explain it again.

“Is that sweat on your forehead, Daddy” asked Ronnie “I’ve got some on my legs.”
She and Bresh examine the sweat. So do the flies.
They haven’t seen much sweat, apparently, growing up in Washington.
Or flies either because Ronnie manages to trap one in an empty water bottle.
“Is this what it was like growing up in California?” Asked Chase.
And when I said yes, it was really hot in Sacramento.
“Wow your childhood musta really sucked”
Compared to this? Nope.

On the second bluff’s overlook, he showed us where, in the valley, the Sioux would come following the buffalo along the river banks.
Did we know the buffalo had nearly been exterminated by the settlers who only took the tongue and the horns? Did we know they were left thousands and thousands of carcasses to rot?

Yes. We all knew that but what we really want to know is where are the *&%$ing horses?

And yet, those frickin’ idiots named the town Custer?
Did we know Custer came from Michigan?



And then its more driving the sanctuary, and seeing the canyons, and seeing the ravens, and seeing the dust bowl and even more about Dayton and Slim Pickins and how Dayton could have BEEN Slim except he had been in a horrible accident the week before.


And I wonder seriously if this man was off his medications.
And I wonder if perhaps I could just takes his

Had anyone been to Mt. Rushmore?
This here sanctuary is much prettier then Mt. Rushmore ever could be.
Mt Rushmore is the biggest fraud ever, did we know that?
And the government Taxes you to build it then charged you ten bucks just to see it. What a rip off. They are charging you TWICE.

I noticed Nicks back bristle.
And he steers off road and said, “we’re off to see the pteroglyphs”
And my heart just sinks because pteroglyphs don’t sound anywhere near horses. Not even farm breed ones.

At the pteroglyphs, he showed us the Indian carvings.
I showed the kids how, if they stood just right, they might feel a breeze.
They do.
And they don’t.

D. kicked a bush and says, I hope your having a good time cause the rest of us are *&%$ing miserable.


And then it is, finally two hours later, its off to see the actual wild horses.
But on the way;
How about those French?
Did we know they think they better then us?
Did we want to know how he put them in their place?
Did we know he spoke perfect French and could offend them in their own language?

And then finally, finally an actual, real life wild horse.
But he just couldn‘t keep him mouth shut..
Did we know that horses are smarter then most people?
Especially those idiots who named the town Custer?
Or those idiots who built Mt. Rushmore?

And Nick’s back is a ramrod and his lips are all pursed together.

Did we know they had screwed it up the first time? Did we know that?
They had moved it from one mountain to another? And one face to another
Finally, poor Nick, in an agony of defensiveness, finally pipes up and said that they TELL you that in the tour.
“So their finally admitting to it, are they” he said querulously..
I patted Nick on the back in a show of solidarity.

And finally, we get to the last herd, rescued from the Utah canyons. The ranch had done a DNA test and these horses were the direct descendants of the horses the Spanish conquistadors rode in on.
Which is actually, really cool but just way too late to salvage this.

Look, there’s a prairie dog shouted Ronnie, my four bolt for the side of the bus.
O those varmits, the guide said, which eliminated any possibility he would ever be a friend to the Ms.

And at last, the bus bumped its way back to the general store, dust cloud, flies and all and the misery ends.

The souvenirs, (more like war medals) were picked and I was left to pay while everyone headed towards Sherman’s air conditioned cab.
I looked over one stuffed neighing horse, two wild horse hats, two hat pins, and two small plastic mustangs.
I am waiting for the total when D. poked his head in.
“Hurry up”
I said“ ok I’m just trying-”
The screen door slams. A minute later he poked his head back in
“Oh, and someone drank your water.”
Well then.
I pull out the money and the cashier whispered she’d thrown in a free water because she’s a mom too, and gave me a tight smile.

Back at Sherman, I am greeted.
“We took a vote. This sucked. I mean really really reaally sucked” declared D.
“Yes it sucked, really sucked” declared Nick.
“This was the worst by far the worst thing we have done on this trip” D. said.
“Yep. Canoeing was way less sucki-er then this” said Nick
“And that guy was an asshole” D. grumped, pulling his hat over his eyes and slumping in the seat.
“Yeah, an a-hole” said Nick

I think I’m done with South Dakota.